How to motivate lazy children

Wednesday, 02. July 2008 by Renee Ellison

We received the following from a mom, who wrote: ”Hello, first let me just say thank you for all God is doing through you to minister to others.  I have many questions, but for today I was wondering if you could help me with motivating my two boys, 9 & 11, with getting ready in the mornings before homeschooling.  I try to make sure they get enough sleep and they are to get up at 7:00 during the school year and have their morning chores done by 8:15 (easy stuff - empty dishwasher or take out trash and feed the dog).  I even have incentives if they’re done on time, but they still come downstairs goofing around with the dog or each other, hair nappy, crusty eyes, ugh!  We’ve practiced our morning routine for years!  I even have a check off chart.  HELPPP!  My boys get x-tra chores if they’re not done on time (pull weeds,or etc.) but they don’t care!  Thank you.  Weary Sheri”

Surely, this mother’s situation is not unique to her home.  In hopes of encouraging other moms whose children need motivation to get through the day, this is what I shared with her:

Dear Sheri:

Your boys are fortunate to have parents who care about them!  Here are some thoughts to consider:

First of all, if your boys are getting to bed early (i.e. not partying til midnight) they perhaps need more sleep.  Adolescents especially need more sleep...their hormones are changing, their cells are growing to produce height and weight and they need TIME to do this reorganizing and growing.  The public school routine makes allowance for none of this. Our daughter often needs 10 hours of sleep.  She is easier to live with when we let her get what her body needs!  But once UP, that’s a different matter.

Soooooo....we don’t run life by the get-up time but rather by the task.  Once up, she has a chart with 15 minutes slots for virtually all of her schooling, practicing and domestic duties.  We couldn’t care less the exact time of the day these things get done, just THAT they get done...and steadily until they ARE done.  No computer, no free time, nothin til everything is checked off the list. Often this can be completely done by noon even with a later get up time.  Now all that is just about gettin UP and the structure...lolligagging is another topic indeed.

In regard to not tending to business and playing with the dog and not washing face, etc., they need to be put on a SHORT LEASH.  That means surveillance 24/7 by the mom for a while.  Become omnipresent...like God...everywhere all the time.  You do this by stopping whatever you’re doing and just cruising through their area.  This is how I controlled high school basketball players twice my size when I taught English classes.  I was constantly cruising between their desks.  No one could be lazy or try any mischief because I would have seen the BEGINNING stages.  So once they are up…

...you go stand in the hallway.  And cross your arms and tap your foot.  And glare at the bathroom.  Put hand on your child’s shoulder and pivot him in the right direction...no words needed.  You can do it all with your eyes.  Children learn internal discipline over a long period of time by EXTERNAL vigilence.  This seems like oceans of work for the mom in the beginning, but it means sooner TOTAL freedom.  You spend a lot of time NOW, to spend almost no time later over these same areas.

Keep them on a SHORT LEASH.  This means you aren’t waiting frustrated in the kitchen, you are drill sergeant in the hallway until they get to the kitchen.  Take a book to read, and just stand there.  If they don’t get a move on, come along behind them with a switch, then return to your book, with eyes peering over the top.  Let them know you mean business.  Hand on shoulder and on top of head...subduing their lazy flesh.  After each accomplishment—no matter how basic—alternate exaggerated smiles and happiness: “Ohhhh, Lazarus looks so much more presentable now; I think I want him for my best friend.” Etc.  Alternate fun and encouragement with “don’t mess with mom” and you’ll get the job done in a matter of days.  Then you give them a little longer leash and see how they do.  If they cave in, go back to the shorter leash, you get the point.

In and through it all, never lose sight of the SHORT LEASH!

How to pass the marriage test

Monday, 30. June 2008 by Renee Ellison

I read a superb treatise on marriage by a very wise old man on the Sabbath.  He said we all go into marriage thinking we will get our needs met by the other—only to discover that the other person went into marriage hoping to get their needs met by us!  We went into marriage to be takers, only to discover that God’s total design was to be made like Christ via the marriage.  He designed and uses the marriage as the slow fire that burns away our dross.  In other words, God put us into the supreme object lesson of how to be consummate givers, expecting nothing in return. 

The verse doesn’t read “husbands tolerate your wives” or “wives tolerate your husbands” (Ephesians 5:25).  That would be easy.  It says, instead, to love them, to be devoted to them, praying for them, demonstrating Christ’s nature to them, exposing them to His likeness day in and day out, no matter how ornery they chose to be.  Could it be that this is, in fact, why God added that additional obstacle of making a man and woman’s very wiring different—that women are more relational, and men are more career oriented—to force the issue?  Will we even strive to “leap the mystery” because we desire Christ’s nature to be formed in us so desperately...hungering and thirsting for His righteousness...to be made like Him, whatever the route He designed to get us there? 

Let us study our mates, apply to God for how to love them, to grow in flexibility, magnanimity, willing to die to self over and over, to be slighted, forgiving being treated badly because of what it makes of us, to even be willing to be stripped of preferences and inclinations.  (Our spouse is God’s problem!!!) God after all designed marriage.  We have found Him to be wise in His other designs...why not in this?  If we determine to pick up the cross daily we shall be rewarded with the crown forever and ever without end.  Not a bad exchange.  A finite denial for an infinite glory.  Let us apply ourselves to pass the test, incident by incident.

Online typing tests and games

Sunday, 29. June 2008 by Renee Ellison

Want to practice typing or take a free typing test? Many free online typing tests and online typing games are available. We don’t intend to try to improve on them; instead, what we’ve focused on is an improved basic method for learning how to type. We are happy to introduce you to our competition, because we are convinced our typing program is the best. The difference between any of these typing programs and Zoom-Type is the right brain approach—now you see it, now you don’t—and also that you learn to type away from the keyboard before moving to the keyboard to get your speed faster. Check out these lists of online typing tests and games, then if you find your typing speed is too slow, buy Zoom-Type to retrain your fingers quickly!

Choosing the best piano for your home: some thoughts and considerations

Tuesday, 24. June 2008 by Renee Ellison

Yesterday, a piano tuner came to our house and tuned our lovely little Baldwin console.  We’re sure glad the Lord provided that piano—it has brought lots of life and beauty and worship into our home and it has proved to be a wonderful choice.  Remembering everything we went to, years ago, to find this piano and drive it here (the sole item in a large U-Haul truck driven more than 300 miles), made me want to share with you some thoughts about how to select a piano that will be the best “fit” for your home.  Buying a piano is a significant decision, not only because of the expense but because a piano can take up a sizeable amount of the space in your home for many decades.  Here are ten steps for choosing a piano for your home:

1. Portable or stationary? Do you expect to be moving soon, or frequently? Will you want to play this piano in other venues? If so, a digital keyboard might be the way to go.

2. Digital, acoustic, or hybrid? An acoustic piano is the traditional wooden type, dating back to the 1700s; it uses a complex array of keys, strings, hammers and pedals to produce sounds. Digital pianos emit recorded sounds, and can be played soundlessly using headsets. Hybrid pianos are expensive because they use strings etc. like acoustic pianos and therefore retain the benefits of that type of piano, but also have the benefit of the software, recording and playback capacities of digital/electronic pianos.

3. If acoustic, are the strings stretched vertically (spinet, console, studio, or upright) or horizontally (grand piano)? A tall vertical piano can produce perhaps 6/10 the sound of a horizontal. This relates to the next point:

4. How much space is available for it? If your quarters are cramped, you won’t want a grand piano (which ranges from 4’5” to 9’ in length). The spinet uses the least space of any acoustic piano (height of 36 to 38 inches). By comparison, the upright piano (the “old clunkers” that our grandparents played and that you’ll see around the edges of meeting halls around the country; we vigorously discourage purchasing old clunkers, because the savings you make in buying them will be eaten up by the costs of moving them—even just into the next room) can be 60 inches tall. Most vertical acoustic pianos are 58 inches wide. If even a spinet is too large, you probably are looking at a digital piano instead.

5. What is the style of your home’s existing furnishings? You’re selecting a piece of furniture as well as a musical instrument. Unless it’s a keyboard that you will be storing under a bed when it’s not in use, everyone who is in your home will be looking at it.

6. Who will be playing it? Older serious piano students will need an acoustic or a hybrid since a digital piano lacks the tonal resonance and the touch and tone of an acoustic piano.  Anyone can use an electronic piano for the first year, to acquire the beginning skills.

7. What is your budget? The cost (which is very negotiable) can range from a few dollars for a cheap digital keyboard at a thrift store to six figures for a Steinway concert grand. We believe this is not the time to go into debt, even for such a wonderful investment as a beautiful piano. Also, think of your ongoing expenses for tuning, repairs, and insurance: digital pianos never need tuning; tuning costs anywhere from $80 and up, at least once a year, depending on the stability of the environment of the room where the piano is kept. It can cost $6,000 to rebuild the mechanism of a grand piano. If your budget for a piano is non-existent, consider practicing on a nearby church’s piano.  Also, sometimes someone needs a good home for their lovely piano, and will loan it to you rather than have it suffer in a storage unit.  But, good deals on fine acoustic pianos are readily available these days.

8. New or used? Unlike other items, a good used acoustic piano can maintain or increase its value over time. The main consideration is whether the used piano was kept in a stable climate, without extreme swings in temperature and humidity.

9. Ask a piano tuner. If you’ve decided on an acoustic piano, ask someone who has spent many hours around hundreds of different piano. A piano tuner will be able to tell you what make and brand of instrument has been known to produce (and retain) a beautiful sound—and may also have some leads as to used pianos available for sale or loan. In addition, he or she may be able to inspect and evaluate a specific instrument you are considering purchasing (especially if it is a used acoustic piano).  However, you are the best judge of the sound that you will be hearing for a long time.

10. Synthesize your decisions by using this piano selection matrix table.  Then, once you’ve acquired a piano for your home, you can learn how to play it right there in your home using our Quick Piano lessons. After that, you can progress to playing the music published by companies like Hal Leonard Publishing, which includes the chord letter with the melody lines, just like all of the music in our book does.  (For more information on selecting a piano, see Darrell’s Music Hall’s online advice for choosing a piano.)

Mothering Tip: Always plan a little companion project

Wednesday, 04. June 2008 by Renee Ellison

If you, as a homeschooling mom, are too weary to play with your children (which may be always)!, have them play with you!  Always rig up a little companion project NEXT TO YOU, even if the child does the work sloppily (because they are too young to do it better).  The object is to be TOGETHER.  Train your children by being WITH each other.  The Lord’s sole strategy with his disciples was being WITH THEM, day in and day out, in every kind of situation.  Much of life is caught, not taught.  Attitudes, work habits, socialization.  Job done by watchin’ mama day after day.

+ While you fold all of the laundry, have the children match socks.
+ While you do dishes, pull up a stool and have them splash in the rinse water.
+ While you paint the outside, give them a bucket of water and a clean paint brush to paint the front sidewalk.

You get the picture.  Over time, they’ll end up being better workers than you could possibly imagine...but more importantly, you’ll bond, bond, bond with your children.  “Love is what you’ve been through together.”

It is all in the Salad DRESSING!

Wednesday, 04. June 2008 by Renee Ellison

Coat each leaf, (by mixin’ mixin’ mixin’, remember!?) and make the coating DELICIOUS and the salad will happily slip right down the throats of all your children.  More GREENS mean fewer GHASTLY visits to the doctor’s office.

Use half of an orange, half of a lemon, 1/4 T olive oil, some dried cilantro, a pinch of cayenne pepper, and celtic salt.  Add water to your mixture if your salad is huge and you need to stretch the dressing a bit.  Slather it on gobs of tossed greens (include one cup of young spinach leaves), sliced cucumber and celery. Then dump a can or two of salmon on top!  Presto, a quick nutritious, mostly raw lunch.  (Especially quick if your greens were prewashed from the store.)

A spiritual thought

Tuesday, 03. June 2008 by Renee Ellison

“If we’re constantly thinking of the person we’re going to marry, we shouldn’t be an easy target for seduction.” {Source: Randy Alcorn’s book, Heaven (Tyndale House, 2004).  See his Heaven IQ Quiz online at www.heaveniq.com/books .} To overcome a besetting sin, increase your “constantly” with the Lord!

Child discipline AND training

Thursday, 29. May 2008 by Renee Ellison

Raising children is “steady-at-it-exhausting-work”—there’s no getting around it.  The enemy keeps saying “You’re having to do this for so long with no results"… but good results are ACCRUING, like putting investments in the bank— you’ll see it in the years to come.

The surprise to every new mother is the relentless WORK it takes.  The enemy says, “You must be doing something wrong.” No, the victory is in the consistency.  Every child is like a bird hitting the hard window of sin and falling to the ground.  Some children get it immediately.  But for others it takes YEARS of hitting that window of the parent’s constancy to get it.  That is why you must keep it up, or else all your beginning work is wasted.

Discipline is punitive for the moment...a just punishment for a wayward act.  But TRAINING is the preparation a mother gives BEFORE going into situations (how are we going to act in this restaurant, at this person’s house, in our own yard toward our eternal brother or sister) and the reinforcement she gives AFTER the situation...a vigilance over the conversion of the HEART in the matter for the FUTURE.  Both discipline and training are needed to raise our little ones.  So many mothers stop at discipline and have no idea that the other (training) exists.

Let’s take the case of a children’s mischief of smearing garden fruit-berries on a neighbor’s building.  What should you do, once you discover it?

Discipline: administer it at the moment.  Ask them WHAT they did (never WHY...it is, in every case, the sin nature in them) and WHAT SHOULD they have done?  Make them confess it with their lips.  If they can’t SAY it, you’re not there yet.  You haven’t gotten to the heart.

Training: make sure that the children understand that EVERY disobedience will be costly to their OWN SELF-INTEREST.  (They will end up with far more work, something denied them, burdensome consequences that shackle their life over the next several hours).  This is very important, that the event stings THEM, and that their perception if not JUST that they have irritated YOU.

Immediately afterwards, find a Scripture verse that gets at the heart of WHAT was violated, and have the child write it.  If they are very little, you can write it and then they just trace the letters.  When a child is a wee bit older, you can write it by skipping every other line and then the child can copy it right underneath each word; older children can just copy it straight out of the Bible.  Then, make the older ones memorize it and come say it to you.  Or if it is a longer passage, just memorize one line, and then for the next infraction, recite two lines...etc.

Draw a picture of how your child invaded the circle of space around someone else’s domain, personhood, and property.  Explain how invading that space FULLY would EVENTUALLY result in murder...a choice of “me and my wants” over “someone else’s right to exist or have property.” Always multiply the event ... what if everyone did this ...where does it LEAD?  Do you want that?

Restitution: have them remove the berries with a toothbrush and water, or scrub brush.  Write an “I’m sorry note.” Pay for new paint.

Emotional: go into your child’s room and say: “Now, how would you like it if I ruined something of YOURS?  If I cut a big hole out of your skirt or pants?, tear up your book?” Don’t actually do it, but let them FEEL the emotion of thinking they will be violated themselves...what their neighbor will FEEL when they see it.

Talk about it later...out of the heat of the moment...when things are calm between you...that evening before bedtime.  Talk about what guilt feels like for a long time afterwards.  Talk about strategies for overcoming temptations to do wrong in the future. 

Have them memorize and say: “Sin TAKES me further than I want to go, makes me PAY more than I wanted to pay, and makes me STAY longer than I wanted to stay.” Emphasize that all sin is spiritual leukemia.  Only obedience brings blessing.  Righteousness gives us a squeaky clean heart, bright eyes, and a clear conscience to carry to bed in one’s heart.  A guilty heart is no way to go through life and remain happy.  Bright, clear eyes are the final litmus test of whether the heart is clear or not.

Then make sure that you affirm your love to them.  Communicate that the event is OVER with, forgiven; that even parents make wrong choices and have to pay for it in their hearts and lives; that we are ALL under the wing of God’s good grace; that we may be fully reinstated in the love relationship AFTER we confess it; that we ALL have the sin nature; that we are all in need of a savior.  Emphasize that there is a way OUT of our every mess.  There should never be a lingering coldness and rejection of your children because of some sinful deed.  There is warmth within the Holy Trinity at ALL times.

Just a reminder that not all these training techniques should be used every time.  They are just more tools to add to your parenting tool-box.  For more tips, see No Monkey Business or better yet, our Child Training Bundle and save!  http://www.homeschoolhowtos.com/store/child_training_tips_bundle/

Watch over your smallest faults

Tuesday, 27. May 2008 by Renee Ellison

+ Watch over your most trifling faults....  He is jealous over your hidden life.
+ When you find your mind wandering from Him throughout the day, recall it quietly.
+ Abstain from any fault whenever you perceive that you are about to commit it.  If you perceive the danger before committing it, beware of resisting God’s Holy Spirit, who is warning you.
+ Use your own faults for your own humiliation...to detach yourself from self-love.
/ Fénelon

Spiritual benefits of our interactions with others

Sunday, 25. May 2008 by Renee Ellison

+ God trains us in self-denial through troublesome acquaintances.
+ Bear humbly all the annoyances that arise from the many imperfections of our neighbors.
+ Sacrifice your inclinations by molding yourself to the needs of others, and loving them.
+ Absolute resignation to what God appoints around you results in patience and toleration for your neighbor’s faults.
/ from Fénelon